Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Body balance

Today was a complete and utter wash in so many ways. While my idea of productivity lately has been monitoring how far I can push myself physically, today I was prompted to remember the value in rest and how cleansing it too can be. After realizing I hadn't had a rest day in 2 weeks I allowed myself to feed the mildly sluggish feeling this morning and my body rejoiced.

It's about the balance and as an extremist I have to keep reminding myself of that...

Monday, August 25, 2014


"At the atomic level, tension is produced when atoms or molecules are pulled apart from each other and gain electromagnetic potential energy."

It's a NEW MOON!!!!
...which means it's time to set intentions. Or as someone appropriately Freudian slipped last night, intensions.

I've never written mine publicly and truth be told haven't even set any in quite a few months now but change is good and feeling very necessary right about now. The Virgo new moon is ruled by Mercury - the messenger who darts between the realms of the gods and us humans. This moon is about communication and medicine or health, which also falls under Mercury's care. Our bodies and minds are constantly communicating with us if only we took the time to listen and remember the language.

It seems in some ways I'm ahead of this moon. I've been eating strictly vegan for the last month and monitoring my nutrition along with running/walking 8-10 miles a day and lifting weights. So in the physical sense I have to figure out a way to kick it up a notch. Mental health is just as important and on my daily morning runs I listen to Theta wave binaural beat music and "chant" affirmations simultaneously. Again, I'm feeling the need to kick it up a notch with this moon. So here they are, the tasks, thoughts, feelings, emotions and material goods I wish to charge with energy and manifest.

1. Write everyday. I took a major break and I'm not sure why. It's a habit I'd like to re-instill as it contributes to the health of the mind by encouraging processing, purging and creation.
2. Draw once a week or more. Another habit that disappeared...They say that life imitates art moreso than art imitates life. It's but another manifestation tool charged with the energy one invests into it.
3. Self Reiki + 30 min meditation every morning after running. I was all amped up and took both Reiki I and II in the beginning of the summer and it was amazing!!!! And then I got lazy and stopped it. As with anything, the more you flow it the easier it comes every time thereafter.
4. Less reading social media and more reading books. I have about 5 on my shelf waiting to be read. The urge to read rarely happens unless I begin it and then I'm ravenous. There's something to be said about the tactile organic nature of holding a book, feeling the paper between your fingertips and inhaling its story versus scrolling a glass screen.
5. Drink half my weight in ounces of water a day. No more excuses for lack of.
6. Opening new doors career wise down south. I don't want to live in SF much longer.
7. A new computer. I don't know how, when, why, who etc but it's the one material "thing" I've wanted for some time now and would help me tremendously with producing income for myself..
8. I'm asking for healing energy to be sent to every situation that's at odds right now. Cosmic vibrations shifted drastically about a month ago and while there's an amazing new frequency available for access to everyone, old paradigms must be dropped so new ones can be embraced. There's still some I've been struggling with personally and I see the struggle in friends and family along with in the media. I've bounced between old and new several times in the past month and this is my declaration that I will embrace the new and not get sucked into the old.
9. I will practice love as the law. For myself namely as that tends to be the most difficult for me in moments, but towards others as well. I will refrain from negative thoughts and be mindful of all that I take in and put out.
10. I will listen to and trust my inner voice and intuition. I will fearlessly express myself, trusting that when I have something to say, there's reason behind it even if I don't understand it in the moment.

And so it is...

Sunday, August 24, 2014

Melting the moon and swallowing shadows

It began one and a half moon cycles ago. I'm not sure why that Capricorn moon was so potent in shifting things but that's when I first began noticing the change. He was grumpy and virtually non responsive. It's funny how attached to people I still get. When I look at the number of those no longer in my life you'd think I'd learn to deal with people with a sense of detachment.

Whether he was aware of it or not, we had spent the previous 3 full moons together. "Can you see her yet? She's beautiful here." Despite the distance between us, photos were sent, conversations bounced back and forth all night through text and he serenaded me every time. My phone rang and music began to play. I'd picture him holding his phone up to his speaker and smile at the simple romanticism of it. They were all love songs with intense beats and soulful lyrics.

Coming from a man who I've struggled with since we met and whom I've loved more intensely than I've ever known before, I valued those moments maybe more than I should have. I honestly don't know. Either way when none of this happened in July I wondered if it was a fluke and tried to talk myself out of feeling disappointed. We began to plan travel together and therein began the disagreements and sponging each other's emotions...

After struggling in a more intimate manner for the past few years I've come to realize that we are catalysts for one another. For as much laughter, love, intense lust, and lighthearted silliness as we can share, there's been just as much darkness. We provoke each other like no other and for me, keen on shedding my skin and growing, I'd have it no other way. I value him immensely as he is the one who stands up to me and shows me what I'm not seeing about myself. One of my "problems" or rather part of my imbalance has been loving him to the detriment of loving myself. I was choosing someone else rather than myself. This has happened at numerous points in my life but only through the shadow he and I shared was I able to really truly clearly understand this and then transmute all the reasons as to why I was doing this. And it only took 4 years. :) It's that whole "put your own oxygen mask on first" thing. Which I love to preach to those around me who complain that I'm selfish but it was made glaringly clear to me that I wasn't actually following that "rule".

Two and a half moons cycles later and I'm finding myself overflowing with love. The kind that I haven't felt in awhile. The fearless kind. The unconditional kind. The kind that gives you enough adrenaline to lift a car and save a life. I woke up right before the earthquake this morning and as everything rocked and rolled I felt the shift in my soul. My heart cracked open and I knew it was time to speak my truth and be confident in living it trusting that all the pieces would fall where they're supposed to. Tonight I spoke what needed to be said rather than cowering passively as I had become so accustomed to doing. I lied to the world and myself for too long and it's been a tiring few years of sitting pretty afraid to offend anyone and lose them. I am not that weak girl ashamed of her voice or thoughts or desires or intuition anymore. I don't even know when I became her but I've loved the strength back into her.

On the cusp of this new Virgin moon, I'm exploding with energy as though it were a full one. I've healed myself and now it's time to truly help others the way I've been training to.