"You have everything you need" She said.
"But what about desire?" I asked.
"Desires are how you color your life. Desire is the amount of sugar you decide to add to your coffee, the flowers you decide to grow in your garden, the choices you make which decorate your existence. Desires are the ingredients that give birth to dreams."
Christmas is the holiday of desire. What do you want? What can jolly Saint Nick provide you with to color your world and sweeten it with? Having done the mostly black and white (and thus grey) existence toned thing, its time to flesh it out. I'm ready for some more color. I went through an old box my mom kept full of our paperwork, achievements and art projects. I found notes to my fairy godmother and the tooth fairy though none to Santa. Maybe she tossed them once the "truth" was revealed? In any case its time to make use of mercurial magic and make a list and check it twice. I've been both naughty and nice.
These are some of my desires...
1. Some way of earning income that I enjoy, can help people and flex my creative powers
2. New soles for my Leeloo boots
3. Flower friends for the tree in my parents backyard
4. A bird feeder
5. A polarizing filter for my lens
6. Him in flesh
7. Tactile dome experience
8. Travel to Europe or Africa - preferably Paris, Greece, South Africa or Egypt
9. Reiki classes
10. A grant or scholarship to cover most if not all of my tuition to finish school
11. Healing my mothers sight
12. Healing my fathers hearing
13. Oil paints and a canvas
14. Silver gel pen
15. YSL burgundy mascara
16. Higher playground for my cats
17. 3 bedroom house
18. Lots of laughter
19. Immersed in light
20. A computer
21. A new dress and somewhere worth wearing it
Where kids write letters to Santa for Christmas, this list is more to her for life with a few things thrown in intended for him. She delivered as a child when I wrote to her so I believe she'll deliver once again.
Showing posts with label Venus. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Venus. Show all posts
Thursday, December 12, 2013
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
The passion of lovers is for death said she
"I only knew what hunted thought
Quickened his step, and why
He looked upon the garish day
With such a wistful eye;
The man had killed the thing he loved
And so he had to die.
Yet each man kills the thing he loves
By each let this be heard,
Some do it with a bitter look,
Some with a flattering word,
The coward does it with a kiss,
The brave man with a sword!"
-Oscar Wilde
One of the last books I (re)read, was The Valkyries by Paulo Coelho. The theme of the book is founded upon the notion that we tend to kill the things we love the most and explores why we commit this crime against ourselves. It tells a story of the author journeying on a road trip with his wife in an attempt to learn how to speak to his angel.
Though nearly every single book of Coelho's has resonated with some part of me at some point in my life, it was this book that caused a vibration to stir deep down inside some place of myself that I had forgotten about. I've been speaking of Venus often and in all fairness if I am to speak of her, I must also speak of him. Pluto. Hades. Whatever name you'd like to attribute to him, he is quite simply the King of the underworld. He is the Grim Reaper and tends to the seeds we plant deep down within our being. He is death. He is sex. He is rebirth. My own view of him is the paternal personification of the dark Mother. He carries his torch within her womb providing nourishment to the pieces of ourselves we may have forgotten about, shoved deep down within.
The way in which my unique energy structure came to enter this life, is with her, Venus, and him, Pluto as eternal playmates, lovers and friends. Attached at the hip, wherever Venus decides to bask in the sunshine, Pluto can be found laying in the shade of an umbrella beside her, hands intertwined, smiling as she beams. Souls within this soul of mine, they are each others mates.
I'm taken back to visions of Mya's video for "My Love is like Whoa". As someone who took tap dance for 13 years, I remember how enamored I was with her bringing a craft I held so close to my heart into mainstream society. On top of the fact that she began the video perched in a zoot suit, smoking a cigar, dressed like a dude and yet oozing with the power of her femininity. The lyrics, well, they speak for themselves. And I remember feeling like somehow she had observed my life and was writing about me. I love hard. Some may say I love too hard. But that's me, it's how I exist and I don't know how else to love. All or nothing. My love is like whoa... I've tried to temper it which does nothing but distort my actions and sentiments.
On twitter recently someone described Pluto as the dark stranger in the alley who sends chills of fear up your spine. I replied that he only manifests as such if you're not in touch with your dark side. I am an avid defender of him as he is so close to my heart. And as a Solar, Mercurial and Uranian Scorpion, (which he rules alongside Mars), he is my light, how I see, how I hear, how I speak, how I love and my vision. I see and I feel the dark side of others. Those pieces they hide away from the world and themselves. It's not always pretty and yet I always see beauty as the struggle to hide away those pieces that are bursting to come forth is such a beautifully arduous process. It's watching cells split beneath a microscope, a seed bursting open and pushing its way through the soil to eventually shoot up towards the sun.
I have found that quite a lot of people, self included, grow afraid of themselves. Why, I cannot answer. As children many of us become afraid of the dark, the monsters under our bed and skeletons in our closet. As someone who loves the dark side of others and someone who loves hard, I've often found myself in a conundrum as people push me away. I don't think I realized that I too, have done it myself over the course of the years. If we can't love ourselves wholly, including our dark side, or more potently, if we for some awful reason feel as though we don't deserve to be loved wholly, then who the hell is this other person to do so. Off with her head! And here's a dagger through the heart as well. Must kill this scary beast.
For some, I believe it's an issue of trust. That was my reason at least. Not knowing what will burst forth from the depths of the underworld can be scary and its a life long process (hopefully). When you don't really take the time to explore every shadow and get to know who you are and accept who you are, how can you trust yourself? And if you can't trust yourself wholly, you can forget about trusting someone else completely. And so the cycle continues. Who is this person? How dare they come shining their light inside my darkness! We then attempt to surround ourselves with people who are content to take us at a superficial level. People who likely wouldn't even understand our dark side if we dared to reveal it. People who quite simply don't ignite our shadows. But the universe is wise and light cannot exist without darkness. She will do as she does and whisper in our ears, send scent filled winds our way and haunt us until we somehow, someway are brought back face to face with our other side.
I'm unsure what my own body count is at exactly but I've maimed quite a few. And in all reality, none of them had to die but they were either pieces of myself that were too painful to admit existed or whom I didn't believe I deserved simply because I did not value myself wholly. As with his book, I too have finally learned how to speak with my angel and from where I stand right now, with Pluto's fingers clutching my own, no one else will die without the other aspect of death which is rebirth.
And somehow, I've stumbled upon a sketch from years ago that resurfaced directly after posting this. Life continues to amuse... :)
Quickened his step, and why
He looked upon the garish day
With such a wistful eye;
The man had killed the thing he loved
And so he had to die.
Yet each man kills the thing he loves
By each let this be heard,
Some do it with a bitter look,
Some with a flattering word,
The coward does it with a kiss,
The brave man with a sword!"
-Oscar Wilde
One of the last books I (re)read, was The Valkyries by Paulo Coelho. The theme of the book is founded upon the notion that we tend to kill the things we love the most and explores why we commit this crime against ourselves. It tells a story of the author journeying on a road trip with his wife in an attempt to learn how to speak to his angel.
Though nearly every single book of Coelho's has resonated with some part of me at some point in my life, it was this book that caused a vibration to stir deep down inside some place of myself that I had forgotten about. I've been speaking of Venus often and in all fairness if I am to speak of her, I must also speak of him. Pluto. Hades. Whatever name you'd like to attribute to him, he is quite simply the King of the underworld. He is the Grim Reaper and tends to the seeds we plant deep down within our being. He is death. He is sex. He is rebirth. My own view of him is the paternal personification of the dark Mother. He carries his torch within her womb providing nourishment to the pieces of ourselves we may have forgotten about, shoved deep down within.
The way in which my unique energy structure came to enter this life, is with her, Venus, and him, Pluto as eternal playmates, lovers and friends. Attached at the hip, wherever Venus decides to bask in the sunshine, Pluto can be found laying in the shade of an umbrella beside her, hands intertwined, smiling as she beams. Souls within this soul of mine, they are each others mates.
I'm taken back to visions of Mya's video for "My Love is like Whoa". As someone who took tap dance for 13 years, I remember how enamored I was with her bringing a craft I held so close to my heart into mainstream society. On top of the fact that she began the video perched in a zoot suit, smoking a cigar, dressed like a dude and yet oozing with the power of her femininity. The lyrics, well, they speak for themselves. And I remember feeling like somehow she had observed my life and was writing about me. I love hard. Some may say I love too hard. But that's me, it's how I exist and I don't know how else to love. All or nothing. My love is like whoa... I've tried to temper it which does nothing but distort my actions and sentiments.
On twitter recently someone described Pluto as the dark stranger in the alley who sends chills of fear up your spine. I replied that he only manifests as such if you're not in touch with your dark side. I am an avid defender of him as he is so close to my heart. And as a Solar, Mercurial and Uranian Scorpion, (which he rules alongside Mars), he is my light, how I see, how I hear, how I speak, how I love and my vision. I see and I feel the dark side of others. Those pieces they hide away from the world and themselves. It's not always pretty and yet I always see beauty as the struggle to hide away those pieces that are bursting to come forth is such a beautifully arduous process. It's watching cells split beneath a microscope, a seed bursting open and pushing its way through the soil to eventually shoot up towards the sun.
I have found that quite a lot of people, self included, grow afraid of themselves. Why, I cannot answer. As children many of us become afraid of the dark, the monsters under our bed and skeletons in our closet. As someone who loves the dark side of others and someone who loves hard, I've often found myself in a conundrum as people push me away. I don't think I realized that I too, have done it myself over the course of the years. If we can't love ourselves wholly, including our dark side, or more potently, if we for some awful reason feel as though we don't deserve to be loved wholly, then who the hell is this other person to do so. Off with her head! And here's a dagger through the heart as well. Must kill this scary beast.
For some, I believe it's an issue of trust. That was my reason at least. Not knowing what will burst forth from the depths of the underworld can be scary and its a life long process (hopefully). When you don't really take the time to explore every shadow and get to know who you are and accept who you are, how can you trust yourself? And if you can't trust yourself wholly, you can forget about trusting someone else completely. And so the cycle continues. Who is this person? How dare they come shining their light inside my darkness! We then attempt to surround ourselves with people who are content to take us at a superficial level. People who likely wouldn't even understand our dark side if we dared to reveal it. People who quite simply don't ignite our shadows. But the universe is wise and light cannot exist without darkness. She will do as she does and whisper in our ears, send scent filled winds our way and haunt us until we somehow, someway are brought back face to face with our other side.
I'm unsure what my own body count is at exactly but I've maimed quite a few. And in all reality, none of them had to die but they were either pieces of myself that were too painful to admit existed or whom I didn't believe I deserved simply because I did not value myself wholly. As with his book, I too have finally learned how to speak with my angel and from where I stand right now, with Pluto's fingers clutching my own, no one else will die without the other aspect of death which is rebirth.
And somehow, I've stumbled upon a sketch from years ago that resurfaced directly after posting this. Life continues to amuse... :)
Saturday, November 23, 2013
I'm your fire
November 15th I stood in the middle of a glorious field. Silhouettes of mountains framed the early morning sky and I held the hand of a small boy. This sky was the perfect shade of indigo fading into cerulean as the sun would soon rise. He was silent but the excitement I could feel emanating from his tiny hand flushed my own with the warmth of a raging bonfire. His eyes were bright and wide as he took in the scope of the sky with the purest sense of wonder and awe wearing a smile he couldn't contain. In the distance, just over the peak of the mountain range was a brilliant white light that pierced the space in the sky where the two shades of blue bled into one another. I pointed and explained to him that that was the morning star. That was Venus.
Burning like a silver flame.
Though my dreams have seemed to stream steadily in recent months, this is the most recent that I can recall. And while I generally keep up on astrological weather (what sign planets are in, who's going retrograde, who's playing with whom etc), I hadn't realized that Venus would soon be entering her shadow period as happens with all planets prior to retrograde motion. As I've mentioned in other entries, the concept of value has been a personal theme for some years now. With my natal sun in the second house, ruled by the phrase "I want" or "I desire", I attributed my reason for focus on values lately solely due to my solar return. This is not the case.
In reading my twitter feed, articles that pop up and in damn near every conversation I've had, people have been steadily beginning to express and question what's important to them. What they value. What they desire. Venus rules all of these things. In her second house Taurus home, she is representative of earthly delights. The 900 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets that make your skin squeal with delight? That's Venus. The luxury perfume that causes your nostril to orgasm? Venus. This is her lower vibration as I understand it. In her seventh house Libra home, she expands to include others and rather than touching her, her vibration is one you feel with your eyes and heart. Here she becomes responsible for taking the time to beautify yourself and your surroundings, and with this beautification comes judgement as demonstrated by her scales. From a simple question of "Should I wear red lipstick or pink?" to "Does this person add or detract beauty from my life?" It is in this space that she ultimately seeks harmony. What I have found true of most Libra/Venusian ruled beings who are often labeled as passive aggressive, is that if harmony and balance cannot be created, they will solve the problem by removing themselves. Because you see Venus is a creator and finds great joy and delight in her creations. Her dance is fueled by the sacred fire that smolders within. If her creations are not harmonious and do not add to her state of beauty, she'll destroy them by simply walking away and creating anew, akin to animals ceasing to feed the weakest link.
I'll use my eyes to invite you, my lips to delight you and all of the charms of the feminine wiles to excite you.
In reading a bit about her existence in Roman times, it tickled me that what began to play in my head were lyrics from Eartha Kitt's song, I'd Rather Be Burned as a Witch. While Wikipedia isn't always the best source, the statement that "her cults may represent the religiously legitimate charm and seduction of the divine by mortals, in contrast to the formal, contractual relations...and the unofficial illicit manipulation of divine forces through magic." warmed me at my core. If I'm taking that statement in the way I believe it was intended, to invoke Venus is to seduce the divine. Unfortunately while writing about her second house vibration, the term "guilty pleasure" came to mind. Perhaps that's my own Chiron in Taurus being touched upon, but it begs to be spoken of. We currently live in repressed times. Venus is anything but repressed. She lives for pleasure, for what else creates true harmony? Guilt should never exist in the same sentence as pleasure and yet it's become a standard catch phrase.
Which brings me to her third vibration. The 12th house of dreams, Pisces. Yes, the fish is ruled by Neptune but just as Uranus is a higher vibration of Mercury, so is Neptune a higher vibration of our lovely lady. Now if something as simple as indulging in sheets that excite your skin, or telling someone "Get out of my world, it's prettier without you!" (Albeit in a gentler manner - Pluto is tied to my own Venus so he goes where she does), evokes feelings of guilt, how then can you truly invoke her highest vibration of all and create your dreams? Guilt should be bound, gagged and thrown in the ocean to drown. There is no place for guilt in dreams because Venus wants you to be ultimately pleased and tickled pink, no matter the cost. She wants you to dance and sing and play and most importantly, orgasm as often as you can. She is the pleasure principle and asks simply, what pleases you?
Burning like a silver flame.
Though my dreams have seemed to stream steadily in recent months, this is the most recent that I can recall. And while I generally keep up on astrological weather (what sign planets are in, who's going retrograde, who's playing with whom etc), I hadn't realized that Venus would soon be entering her shadow period as happens with all planets prior to retrograde motion. As I've mentioned in other entries, the concept of value has been a personal theme for some years now. With my natal sun in the second house, ruled by the phrase "I want" or "I desire", I attributed my reason for focus on values lately solely due to my solar return. This is not the case.
In reading my twitter feed, articles that pop up and in damn near every conversation I've had, people have been steadily beginning to express and question what's important to them. What they value. What they desire. Venus rules all of these things. In her second house Taurus home, she is representative of earthly delights. The 900 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets that make your skin squeal with delight? That's Venus. The luxury perfume that causes your nostril to orgasm? Venus. This is her lower vibration as I understand it. In her seventh house Libra home, she expands to include others and rather than touching her, her vibration is one you feel with your eyes and heart. Here she becomes responsible for taking the time to beautify yourself and your surroundings, and with this beautification comes judgement as demonstrated by her scales. From a simple question of "Should I wear red lipstick or pink?" to "Does this person add or detract beauty from my life?" It is in this space that she ultimately seeks harmony. What I have found true of most Libra/Venusian ruled beings who are often labeled as passive aggressive, is that if harmony and balance cannot be created, they will solve the problem by removing themselves. Because you see Venus is a creator and finds great joy and delight in her creations. Her dance is fueled by the sacred fire that smolders within. If her creations are not harmonious and do not add to her state of beauty, she'll destroy them by simply walking away and creating anew, akin to animals ceasing to feed the weakest link.
I'll use my eyes to invite you, my lips to delight you and all of the charms of the feminine wiles to excite you.
In reading a bit about her existence in Roman times, it tickled me that what began to play in my head were lyrics from Eartha Kitt's song, I'd Rather Be Burned as a Witch. While Wikipedia isn't always the best source, the statement that "her cults may represent the religiously legitimate charm and seduction of the divine by mortals, in contrast to the formal, contractual relations...and the unofficial illicit manipulation of divine forces through magic." warmed me at my core. If I'm taking that statement in the way I believe it was intended, to invoke Venus is to seduce the divine. Unfortunately while writing about her second house vibration, the term "guilty pleasure" came to mind. Perhaps that's my own Chiron in Taurus being touched upon, but it begs to be spoken of. We currently live in repressed times. Venus is anything but repressed. She lives for pleasure, for what else creates true harmony? Guilt should never exist in the same sentence as pleasure and yet it's become a standard catch phrase.
Which brings me to her third vibration. The 12th house of dreams, Pisces. Yes, the fish is ruled by Neptune but just as Uranus is a higher vibration of Mercury, so is Neptune a higher vibration of our lovely lady. Now if something as simple as indulging in sheets that excite your skin, or telling someone "Get out of my world, it's prettier without you!" (Albeit in a gentler manner - Pluto is tied to my own Venus so he goes where she does), evokes feelings of guilt, how then can you truly invoke her highest vibration of all and create your dreams? Guilt should be bound, gagged and thrown in the ocean to drown. There is no place for guilt in dreams because Venus wants you to be ultimately pleased and tickled pink, no matter the cost. She wants you to dance and sing and play and most importantly, orgasm as often as you can. She is the pleasure principle and asks simply, what pleases you?
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