Quality of power

It is simultaneously both terrifying and endlessly amusing just how much power a single person can hold.

My day yesterday was dreary and sleep filled. Playing catch up with everyone I hadn't seen in years drained me. Alcohol consumption, which happens once in a blue moon these days, didn't help my cause any. While talking to my ex for a few minutes before she dropped me off, my speech became less than it should be. I began to say "leaved" rather than "left" and caught myself. We had just been talking about how she's happy that I'm going back to school and I shouldn't be wasting my intelligence. So when I made that mistake in speech, my brain nearly reverted back to thinking "WTF? I thought I was done with this inarticulate, grammatically incorrect chemo infested bullshit." But she looked at me (after laughing of course), and said "See why I limit who I hang out with and how often? You absorb people easily like me." A fact which I've been very well aware of for the past few years but to hear her say it- something she never voiced in the 4 years we spent together, was kind of amazing. I had a giant *phew* moment and realized that with all the alcohol consumption I had let my bubble down and absorbed my surroundings. A moment of sadness followed as the people I was surrounded by have giant, kind hearts. But if I'm 100% honest, energetically we don't vibe as well as we used to anymore. So while I need not write them off completely, our interactions will need to stay minimal if I wish to continue refining my energy field and operate at full capacity.

Today also began dreary. It's been colder than I became accustomed to after an east coast summer and SoCal fall. The sky was overcast and for the life of me I couldn't find my thumb drive to send and print resumes. In tearing apart my belongings that have yet to be put away, an envelope fell out of The Alchemist. It instantly made me smile and so I expressed myself accordingly to the sender. I then took Scrappy out into the backyard to pee. As my phone vibrated notifying me of the responding text, the clouds literally parted. The sun peeked and then flooded my face. A Robin came and sat in my tree singing his song, showing off his beautiful red breast. The power of people...

Care Bear Stareeeee!

Growing up the Care Bears were some of my favorite friends along with their cousins. Sunshine bear was the first I owned which seemed all too appropriate as my favorite stuffed animal prior was a bright yellow bear or maybe rabbit- his ears could have been either-given to me by my grandma whom I aptly named, Sunbathing.

This morning I woke up to find scattered rainbows on my floor. I realized I had left a glass of water in my window sill and the rising morning sun had shone his light as he does through my glass spewing colors everywhere.

A few years ago I was riding the train in New York beside my best friend when the thought occurred to me and I wondered, were the images that adorned the bellies of the care bears akin to their solar plexus? I mean I doubt that was the creators conscious vision for the gang but it is kind of appropriate. I had been teaching myself about Chakras and couldn't help but remember the infamous "Care Bear Stareeeeee!" they would engage in when fighting "evil". Each bear (and cousin) had a unique image on their belly and for the duration of a care bear stare, they'd essentially shine their light with all their might creating a rainbow which would then disarm whomever they were focused on.

Recently I was given the title of an "Emotional Bully". And I suppose it's true. Emotions are where our power lies. Reading about Psychokinesis, and exactly how spoons are bent without being touched and all that jazz, the art comes from emotion. Specifically from that feeling of awe when your heart is filled to the brim and exploding while your eyes are focused as if there is no other place in the world that exists. The Care Bears were on to something. Where water is an absolutely necessary ingredient to create a visible rainbow, emotion is an absolutely necessary ingredient to create your (illusion) of a world.

We all do it whether conscious or not as we all exist with emotions. The key, I believe, is to monitor our water quality. We may be feeling angry or sad and not even be aware of it. The longer we hold onto those feelings, and shove them deep down within, the more stagnant and muddy they get and unfortunately light doesn't shine too well through muddy water. Rainbows need crystal clear, pure water to exist. Then again, I suppose rainbows aren't for everyone. But they're certainly essential in my world.