Thursday, March 8, 2012


Welcome to my little slice of the web! In starting a new Youtube channel, I figured it was only fitting to also start a brand spanking new blog as well. As most of you reading this probably know, I've pretty much been MIA from most internet communities for the past year. I've struggled with writing versus not, explaining versus not and I've finally settled on sitting down and doing so. It was actually a post by young lady last night that inspired me to do so. Those that "follow" me know I tend to be a more positive person. At least, I try to be. Someone once commented on twitter that I always seem happy, that I put out nothing but sunshine. I responded with something along the lines of  "Life is too short, and there's enough emission of garbage into the collective consciousness of our world, so why would I wish to contribute to that? Negativity seems to spread like wildfire and can be extremely damaging, very quickly."

Truth be told, I am a pretty positive person. My glass is nearly always half full and even when it rains, I love to dance and jump in the puddles. However, it can become difficult when you have an internet following who at times, seems to expect or desire constant updates. There are some who are fantastic at maintaining their presence. I sit and look back on the past 10 years and realize I've never been one of those people. When I don't feel like my good, positive, healthy self, I tend to withdraw into my shell and disappear. For no matter how positive or happy a person may exist in moments, everyone goes through things at times because at the end of the day, we're all human. I have stayed away until now, because I don't believe I would have put out anything of value, and I don't believe in expelling negativity into a world that already contains so much of it.

I've always believed that everything happens for a reason. Cliche yes, but it is my belief. I stopped posting because my adsense was cut last January. I commend those that do youtube for free, but it is time consuming and when you're struggling to make ends meet, the last thing you have energy to do is make videos for free to please people you don't actually know. Or at least, I lacked the energy and desire to do so. Also, being a highly spiritual being, I'm a firm believer in signs. If life stops me from doing something, I tend to believe there's a greater reason behind it. This year that I've had "off" allowed me to better develop my perception and skill set. It enabled me to get to know more about myself and identify what it is I want to put out into the world from a more conscious standpoint. Bluntly put, New York has been ROUGH. However, I was taught to value myself in ways I never deemed possible before and learned to be resourceful in ways I had never imagined.  

Posting, has still been tough to do consistently. I was excited (still am), and thought I could just jump back into the swing of things. My own computer died a month after moving here and I've bounced between using a few different ones belonging to friends. The one in my possession now, though I'm grateful to have it, is extremely slow, especially with video so editing can be quite a long process. Last week, my electricity and heat were shut off because I didn't have money to pay the bills - told ya, NY has been rough. No electricity = no posting. I currently have 3 half filmed videos sitting in this machine that are begging to be posted and I have vowed to myself that they will be by Sunday.

So, there's my story, my reason, my explanation. Please bear with me as I attempt to spread my wings once again.

1 comment:

  1. I'm glad you're back- you are honestly one of my favorite Youtubers, if not, my favorite! Everything has a way of working itself out- nothing is permanent. I wish you the best of luck! <3