"Come my lady, come come my lady, you're my butterfly sugar baby"
How did 10 years manage to pass so quickly and yet I feel like I've existed as at least 6 different people and thus lived at least 6 lives within that time. Damn. As circumstance would have it, today is my mercurial birthday as well so I'm feeling all kinds of aligned in beginning this, today.
The last time I sat down to write, the little mermaid was on my mind and as life would have it, shuffle decided to play that song once again prompting her brand new name. Mercury is about listening just as much as speaking and that's the side of the mountain I've existed on the past few years. Zion began to play next. And as I've learned, when you pay attention and truly listen you begin to hear synchronicity. Last night, while planning a road trip, I decided Zion will be one of our stops. Do I understand it's resonance completely? No. But if it's synchronized, it must be important, something she needs me to hear. And the moment I began to actually write, "Butterfly" began to play. I'm hoping to fight my way out of this chrysalis soon but until its complete, enjoy the revelation.
The first thing I read this morning came by way of my Facebook feed talking about transmutation. Which is a term I've used in the past few years and understood though I'm not sure I've ever defined it. A honey bee whom I hold in high regard, consistently buzzes in my ear about understanding the definitions of words. And while I can't always speak fluidly explaining what I mean, I generally understand. However, keeping with the theme of actually taking the time to define things, it was nice that this article began with a definition and jumped right into talking about Hermetists.
It's everything that's come up in the past few weeks and that Pluto deeply drilled into me about this weekend. Though I've been mostly silent to the world, and focused on listening, I'm realizing I haven't been silent to myself, the most important person. And everything I've been whispering hasn't really been conducive to my existence. When I went for a reiki session the first thing she said was "wow! You're really not in your body are you? It's like you have form but you're formless." Which, has been fun. I feel like a shapeshifter half the time but one of my downfalls is that I can view everything in a positive light and when viewed in such a manner, there's a peace with it that's accepted rather than a desire to change.
It's like children and magic- if you believe in something enough, it becomes real. I don't know when it happened or why or how, but somewhere in this life of mine, I stopped believing in myself and I've been stuck in the aether without even truly realizing it until 2 days ago. And so begins the transmutation process. Speaking to myself consciously and writing myself back into existence. Reminding myself that like the bee said, my sole purpose in life is not to be an accessory.
I remember when I used to shine and it was all so effortless without any sort of conscious thought. I want that again. I'm worthy of it.